I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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