Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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