You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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