the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize