Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
