I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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