there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We need a shit load of segways right now
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
