I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
