I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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