I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
