I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
