My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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