You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
