we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
