Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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