I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
