We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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