dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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