everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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