yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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