Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just had sex bonerless
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize