just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
