I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
