i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
