This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
