I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Of course I have a pirate flag
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
