Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize