You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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