did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
