I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
