Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize