i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize