Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
