Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize