i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
