i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
