Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
