you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
