Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you will always have a special place in my vag
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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