did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
