i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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