I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
