my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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