If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
