I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize