Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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