i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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