Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
