your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
