New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
