cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
