I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
