just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
