So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
