So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
