i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
