oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
