btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
