My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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