fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
