I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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