fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Randomize
