You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
