Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
