I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
