shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
