so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
