He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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