He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
