Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
