You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
