listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize
