so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
