All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
