i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
