david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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