I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
