his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
